יום חמישי, 16 בינואר 2014

The Ariks

Two giants of Israeli life died recently. Arik Einstein and Arik Sharon.
Both of their deaths hit me hard. Arik Einstein’s death was quite sudden whereas Sharon has been in a coma for the last eight years so it was hardly unexpected.  The actual loss though, is making me very sad and teary.
An era is over.
While the miracle of the State of Israel is well known; the almost overnight growth, wealth, international reputation in the hi -tech and innovation markets, its personality, too, has changed.  This is a fairly normal occurrence. Don’t they say that famous people “overnight” become different? So it follows that the personality of this tiny, unique and miraculous country has changed as well. 
Not necessarily for the good, in my humble opinion, although I will not delve into that discussion.
It isn’t lost on me that the Ariks were 75 and 85 years old upon their demise, the same generation as my parents.  Sharon was five years older than my dad.  Lately, I am somewhat obsessed with my parents’ immortality.  No, it’s not a typo. I am fully aware that my inability to acknowledge this eventuality is problematic.  Today I was with someone who is only a few years older than I.  She mentioned that her mother died seven years ago and her dad this year.  I was amazed that she was still coping and functioning.  I think the time has come to figure out how to separate.  These people are still my rocks and I simply cannot imagine life without them in it.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I do think that the absence of a life partner makes the connection of parent and child seem stronger.  There is no other person to help balance out the equation. But more than that, is my hope that my parents will be around to enjoy my girls and that my girls will have the wonderful magical addition of grandparents in their lives.
Grandparents: Those wonderful people who spoil you and cuddle you and sneak you treats even after your mom TELLS them not to.  Grandparents: those warm cuddly older people who take you to breakfast and let you eat the sugar from the bags and scoop jelly out of the little container.  This is what I remember about my grandparents. No matter how much my mom and my grandma would fight, my grandma would turn to jelly and smiley for me.

Don’t my kids deserve this? Need this? Even without knowing it, crave it? So I tell my mother in the midst of some rant about how she isn’t feeling well ten more years.  I don’t tell it to my dad but in my heart and mind every day I pray for at least ten more years. At least then the girls will have had their childhood with them and will remember them.  But in my heart of hearts I know that it is completely selfish.  Maybe in ten more years I can finally accept the reality that my life WILL go on without them no matter how difficult and sad that thought is.  Shira, it’s the circle of life.