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My girls and I spent three glorious weeks in the US this summer with our
family. Aside from the shopping, going
to the United States is wonderful because while my parents are here for an
extended period each year, going to the States gives my girls the added
benefits of spending time with their aunts, uncles, and cousins; using their
English 24/7; visiting places that I went to as a child and of course, the
seemingly endless supply of love, hugs, treats and the presence (and presents)
from their grandparents.
While there, we spent five days at the beach with my sister and her
family. On Friday night, before Kiddush
(blessing of the wine), my brother in law, as is his habit, blessed his
children. I never paid much attention
before. In my childhood home, my
father's custom was to bless us only before Yom Kippur and while I do include
them in my blessings when I light my Shabbat candles, I don’t actually put my
hands on their heads and say a special blessing. For those of you unfamiliar with the
blessing, it basically asks Gd to make them like the four matriarchs; Sarah,
Rivka, Rachel and Leah.
If you have been reading my blog
for a while, or if you actually know me, then you can attest to my
"zagginess" In other words, when everyone zigs, I zag. Not in a rebellious way, but with my very own
"Ellie twist". So while I do
think the four mothers have many traits that I would like my girls to have, I
can't help but add my own values into the mix.
Today at gan (nursery school) the teacher told me that Shira, my eldest,
can take care of herself and that I did an amazing job instilling independence
and the ability to know her own mind in her (and Maya). I took the compliment. But it got me thinking. I too am an eldest
child. Maybe it is part of the burden we
first born carry; survival, independence, strong wills. These, in my opinion are important
qualities. But, as I get older, and look
back on my life, I'm not sure that these qualities have always served me
well. I have an incredibly difficult time
showing vulnerability; how sensitive I am, how hard life can be, and how it
would be so nice to have someone to lean on, to give me a hug and show
support. Not always to have others
assume that I'm fine, capable, competent, "amazing".
In the last three years I have
heard my own accolades sung so many times. "Two kids on your own",
"you made a holiday meal for 12 AND you have two kids on your own",
"I barely get through the day with one and a husband and you have two kids
on your own". I do all that, yes… but I am a mom with two kids on my own.
And it is HARD and lonely and sometimes scary and overwhelming and wrought with
decisions that may or may not be the right ones. While it is nice to not have to check in with
someone all the time, sometimes it would be nice to have to check in with
someone. It would be nice for my kids to have more balance in the value system
they are taught. So as we come closer to the Day of Judgement, this is the
blessing I wish you angel girls:
My dearests Shira and Maya, I wish you strength and the ability to
achieve anything and everything you want.
That you have the humility, courage and modesty of our Four Mothers,
that you learn independence and survival from your mother but that you also are
able to show your sensitive sides, your vulnerabilities and yes, sometimes your
neediness. That you are competent and can take care of yourselves but sometimes
it is nice to be taken care of. Learn how to let people see that side of your
personalities.
I wish you both health, joy, peace of mind, and that you continue to
grow into the most beautiful, amazing, smart girls that I have been lucky
enough to have and to raise. I love you always and forever.
Wishing you (and all of you) a gmar chatima tova. May you be inscribed in the book of life.
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