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I do know that I am thinking about the meaning of YK to me, to my family and friends and to Klal Yisrael. I am thinking about those that are still here and those that tragically aren’t here this year. I am thinking about who I was last year and if I am exactly the same or hopefully changed in some small way. I am thinking about what I had hoped to accomplish in this last year where I succeeded and where I failed.
So it is here. Tomorrow. The day of days. The Big One. The
marathon of fasts.
Twenty five hours of fasting, praying, klopping, and if the
weather forecast is accurate, sweating. At least to and from shul.
Yom kippur is one of my favorite days of the year. I know,
it is weird, but I love it. While I’m not a fan of the bike fest it has become,
at least here in tel aviv, I am a huge fan of the sanctity, the fasting,
praying and klopping. I also love that
even the non- fasters, prayers and kloppers, at least here, still respect and
at least to some extent appreciate the unique quality of the day. The number one pictures on facebook after yom
kippur are always of the שyalon or the Begin Highway being photographed empty. After all these years and ymei kippur in
Israel, I still tingle when I walk to shul for kol nidre and see so many people
in white, the streets empty and the stillness that ensues. Even with the bikers
there is a stillness and awesome quality to the day.
I even love the pre yom kippur warm ups and drills; Those
who abstain completely from caffeine in the days leading up to the fast. Those
who partially abstain or don’t at all.
It is a true test of stamina and belief that so many of us fast. Today,
while chatting with a colleague, we were discussing the pre YK drills. How nervous the day makes us. In a split
second I realized we were looking at it from a skewed perspective. In that
split second I felt like the bride who is so wrapped up in the wedding that she
forgets to realize that she needs to be a wife. ( men too, just a figure of
speech). So many of us are so concerned with the preparation and surviving the
fast that we don’t spend enough time thinking about the DAY itself and the
MEANING.
Who will live and who will die? Do many of us stop and think
about that? Do we all take it as a given that if we fast, pray and klop we’ll
make it through. Or maybe we don’t even really need to do that at all. Ive been told that I have a childish view of
Gd; Maybe I do. Maybe there is no direct correlation between action and
consequence. Maybe actions and what happens after said action have no
correlation whatsoever.
I don’t know. Personally, I believe they do but who is to
say I am right?
I do know that I am thinking about the meaning of YK to me, to my family and friends and to Klal Yisrael. I am thinking about those that are still here and those that tragically aren’t here this year. I am thinking about who I was last year and if I am exactly the same or hopefully changed in some small way. I am thinking about what I had hoped to accomplish in this last year where I succeeded and where I failed.
I am thanking Hashem for my blessings. For my parents,
family and friends. For my amazing girls. For my health and theirs. For the zchut to live in Eretz Yisrael and be
part of the miracle. I am praying for the continued strength and willpower to
become a better person or at least a more patient tolerant one.
So on this day before THE BIG YK 5776, while I am nervous
about fasting and the heat and being around my kids eating I am also trying to
keep the big picture in mind; the why we do it and what we hope to gain.
Wishing each and every one of you a gmar chatima tova, an
easy fast, and most importantly a meaningful yom kippur.
xo
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